Who are you?
To say I had an interesting week and weekend would be an understatement. I was bombarded with circumstances in which I could respond or I could react. Some of them I did better than others.
The most intense experience was going to a new massage therapist that supposedly specialized in trauma release massage. I was very curious about his process and how I might be able to move energy out of my body that has been stored from experiences of my life. Instead of being an intense healing process, the practitioner kicked me out of his studio for no apparent reason. It was confusing and unnerving. I was standing vulnerable in a sports bra and shorts next to the massage table. He refused to look me in the eyes and said “I need you to leave. I can’t work with you.” I was so confused. I asked “Can you help me understand what is going on right now?” I was regulating my feelings of rejection and hurt to stay curious in this moment and he was getting more agitated. He said “You know why! You need to leave.” I have lived in Los Angles for almost 25 years and seen a lot of crazy things. This was one or the most bizarre experiences. I stayed present though and kept asking. “Can you help me understand what is going on right now?” He said “You have nervous energy and I can’t work with people with nervous energy. Please leave now!”
I was rattled to my core as I walked down the busy Venice street to my car. I called my best friend right away to get a sanity check. “This is NOT YOUR FAULT she said!” I have many years of recovery in Al-Anon and many coping tools and it shock me deeply. I drove to a friends book signing and hung out in a safe space with her. I have tools. I have a great support network. If I didn’t and I was going for treatment for trauma this could have had devastating results.
MEDITATION
Who are you? How are you interacting with the people around you? How can you have compassion for those you interact with today? How can you listen and stay curious?
